Coping With Death

The single most important fact of our lives is that one day we are all going to die. Other than in biblical stories, dead people do not come back. A couple weeks ago I was reminded of this truth when my mother passed away. Almost nine months ago we were informed that she had only six months to live. A few months later she moved in with me in my new home, where she seemed to be defying the doctors predictions by being in high spirits and good health. Unfortunately, when she did fall ill - she couldn't seem to get better as she did before.

The forewarning the doctors gave us allowed us time to prepare for the worst. Yet it has not made it any easier to live with her disappearance. More than three years ago, there was another death in the family, that of my brother who was only 39 years old. That was a surreal moment for the entire family. Coping with that loss took many of us months to recover.

This time it was a little different. As a family we had decided that we would not do what we had done with my brother, to prolong death. We wanted her to be comfortable and without pain. Through prayer and family gatherings we were able to momentarily minimize the impact of her passing.

Since she has passed on various members of the family are coping with the loss in their own ways. Those that are successful in carrying on their lives employ simple methods to help them get through their grief.

The key to making it through any sort of loss in life is to control your mind. Our minds consciously and subconsciously reinforce the sadness through various methods. For instance, someone who has lost their husband or wife to death resort to listening to all their favorite songs which they had marked as "their songs." We tell ourselves that this is to help the grief process, when in fact its only reinforcing the sadness.

Another thing people tend to do when they lose someone is to see old pictures. They look at them often enough and with enough people that they keep the memory alive for longer. Even when the mind tries to occupy itself with other things, it reverts back to the good times with the deceased, ultimately leading them to think about their death.

Talking about what happened is a great tool to help someone grieve. However, overdoing it isn't. This also keeps the pain fresh. Each time we think of anything related to the deceased, we start the grieving process over again, keeping us in a constant altered state of mind.

Loss of loved ones whom you are very close to is hard, and nothing I say will change that. But the saying that life goes on rings true. You cannot die with the person that has died, nor can that person come back to you. Accepting this fact will help people move on and live their life. I know my Mom would have wanted me to do the same. Every inch of my body wants to lie in bed and be miserable, but that wouldn't be helping me, nor would it help my Mom. This is why I choose to control my mind thus controlling my emotions enough so that I can do what she would have wanted me to do. To live.